Equals...

So I've been dating a guy now for over a year. He says that he wants us to be equal in our relationship, financially (basically he expects me to work which is fine with me.) However it has come to my attention more recently that he believes someone would be the "decision maker" of the family or the "lead" and it would be him. So to say if we had a disagreement about something that he would have the final say so. I guess my question is, what is an equal relationship. I can't discuss some of this without arguing with him. He told me to ask "anybody" that there is always a "natural leader" in any relationship. I believe that if we are equal partners we are just that equal and that we should work together in all aspects of our relationship and family.

What is your opinion? I am trying to settle myself down about this, I am a fairly independent person I've been a single mom for over three years I can't see myself being a submissive person by any means.

Just a funny sidenote: when I asked him why I would have to contribute equally financially he said its because it's not the 50's anymore. Then when I asked why I wouldn't have an equal say so in every aspect of our relationship he said its because he is traditional? Well Which is it?

How do I explain to my child...

How do you deal with someone not wanting their child to play with yours anymore and trying to explain it when your child wants to play with them? Some background: we moved to a new community. The kids became friends fast and I became friends with the other kid's mom. She is of a different religion from us but that didn't seem to make any difference to her. That was until we started going back to church.

Now I have been de-friended on FB and was told that the kids can't be friends anymore. Of course she said it was for other reasons that my older daughter and I did not see or witness (but if she is going to blame my daughter on anything her son says or does then I don't want them playing anyway). They are only 6 years old I don't think they are discussing religion and philosophy on the playground....lol my older daughter said to ignore them and move on...It's just that we bought this house and now I feel weird even going outside...they have been here much longer and have a clique.

I don't know what was said to the other neighbors...I feel that going on the defensive would just make things worse because she is so outspoken...any advice would be good...

Sister TC

Dating advice

I am almost 56 and I have a teenage son. I am divorced and have been trying to meet someone for more than four years. I have dated, wealthy men, not so wealthy, creeps mostly. Well, my question is now I met a man that I like and he likes me, but he doesn't have a steady job. He is NOT lazy, the economy has lessened his work load, so we don't go out much at all. I like going out on a Sat. night, but if we don't we stay in and watch tv, now at this age, is it better to have someone your are compatible with and spend time together, or someone that has a better income so I could enjoy myself. As trite as this may sound, I am in the house all day, all week and I do like getting out once in a while.

Any advice on this subject would be greatly appreciated!

Sister F

How do I get past this...?

So about a week ago my husband decided to quit his job. He did not discuss it with me when I came home is when I found out. Well this left me having to foot all the bills plus take care of our child. He said he could not take the way he was being treated.

Well I work at a all male prison I get called out of my name almost every day. I get sexual slurs thrown at me everyday I don't like it but I don't up and quit my job because I have a family. I just feel like he put us in a situation we did not need to be in and o don't know how to get past it. He believes that I am over it but I am not.

I love my husband but I have a lot of anger I can't deal with.

What do I do....?

I really need advice right now

I am so embarrassed to actually come out with this but i really need advice and some information. I just found out I have herpes. Still waiting on lab results but my doc said she is pretty positive.

I am a single mom who has not been sexually active in 1 1/2 years until recently. I have been seeing this one guy for about 3 months. Every time we have had sex we have used condoms because I am super anal about it because this is the stuff that happens to me.

How do I go about talking about it to this guy, family, friends. What should I say if anything?

Does anyone have any advice for me for life from now on? I know everything has changed forever now. Is there hope that I will ever find anyone?

Am I putting my son and family at risk by keeping this a secret? I wash my hands like crazy and use sanitizer.

I'm so scared. I feel like my life is over and I am only 22. My doctor assures me that this is a common problem and to not beat myself up over it but I really cant help it. Anything information I can get would be greatly appreciated. Please do not write anything nasty to me because I am already beating myself up enough as it is. Thanks.

Unplanned pregnancy --

I am 22, just graduated from college and recently started a brand new job. I also found out I am 6 weeks pregnant. My friends have been supportive and my boyfriend of 3 years is having a lot of trouble. One, he is from India and the cultures and customs really shun on pregnancy while unwed, so much to say that his parents would probably never talk to him again and shun him from the family- so he has vowed to not tell them.

My parents, which my dad is a pastor- have told me to get an abortion as fast as possible. Trying to say that God would want it that way. What do I feel? I am pro-choice, but after researching could not bring myself to agree with getting an abortion in my situation.

Right now my boyfriend and I are discussing options of keeping the baby as well as adoption. Both have very great positives and life-changing negatives as well. I am really scared that if my employers find out they might fire me, so I am doing the best I can to stay strong, but it is also hard bc my boyfriend will not be returning for 3 months- because he is in Canada with his family. This is his final year in college, and he is not a citizen of the US either.

I can say that I make 26,000 a yr. prior to taxes and have a nice single apartment, but my biggest concern is that the baby would be raised in a nightmare environment and situation- perhaps adoptive parents could provide a better life, but as I look at my situation I also feel that everything is temporary and making it work could be possible with the right mindset- EITHER WAY I know that the decision I make either to parent, choose adoption, or in the worse case scenario if my boyfriend does not stick around I ask myself could I even be a single parent?

Any ADVICE would be appreciated!

Sister L

Boyfriend/Baby Daddy Question

Hi,

I need advice. I am a little over 7 months pregnant and I have been with my boyfriend for over 9 years. He always wanted more kids (he has a daughter already from a marriage) but I couldn't come out pregnant. I even went to Drs who told me I can't get pregnant, then in 2007 we got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Since then we gave up. Now we found out in December 2009 that I am pregnant again but this time its good. I am very happy and excited but he seems to be disconnected from us. I don't even see him as much as I use too. I have brought this up to his attention in which he tells me that I am seeing things, he needs a little time cuz he has things going on in his life and that I am just too touchy. Maybe I am seeing too much into it but he hasn't come to any drs visit, he wasn't even there to see what the sex of our child is, he doesn't rub, talk to, or really have any contact with my belly whatsoever!

Tell me the truth, do men go through this and return to normal once the baby is here or he is he pulling away? What should I do?

Sister SM

What makes a strong woman...

I read an article titled "What Makes a Powerful Woman". I found it very interesting. It tells about the 8 qualities that exist underneath a woman of power.

The 8 qualities are:

1. She gives it all she's got
2. Never gives up
3. Speaks her mind
4. Respects herself and others
5. Stands up for what she believes in
6. Inspires herself and others
7. Shares her power willingly
8. Makes a difference in the lives of others

My question for anyone out there is which trait do you feel is your strongest and which w=one do you feel you need to develop...?

Much ado about my mother...

Dear Sisters,

I need your feedback. I am an only child and my mother is having a rough time. She has pretty much lost everything due to alcoholism and prescription drugs. She is currently homeless and staying at a friends house. She has not worked in almost a month. The problems she is having have been going on for several years and she keeps getting worse.

My major concern is that she is a danger to herself. She has attempted suicide 4 times that I know of and has been sent to a mental facility each time. Yet with each attempt she gets 'better' at it in that this last time we really almost lost her. In addition, she has had 4-5 DUIs in the past 15 years. She is currently awaiting a court date next month. While she was out on bond she was driving and caused an accident and get this she had beer in her car that she picked up on her way home from church. It was then that she tried her most recent suicide attempt, when faced with the possibility of immediately going to jail, she took a bottle of pills.

Well fast forward to her now, she is broke and really struggling. I have paid her cell phone bill for the month, but I am unsure how much help I should give her and how much I should encourage her to help herself. I started the process of her getting on disability (May 2010) and she is yet to finish the application. When I make suggestions to her to try to get on some public assistance she just makes excuses about why she can't do it.

We live in different states which is for the best because she has been hinting at coming to live with me. I cannot do that. I cannot expose my children to her unstable behavior. My biggest concern is if she tries to kill herself again. There are of course numerous other concerns, but that is the biggest one.

I am at my wits end and any advice or tips to help her and help me deal with her would be awesome. Maybe I am missing something because I am in the middle of it.

Thanks in advance for your help. I will respond to comments within this original post.

Take care....
Your Sister SB

Welcome

I created this blog as a place for women all around the world to be able to come to get or receive advice on handling their "issues". Whether is it choosing between breast feeding or formula feeding, or how to handle a troublesome spouse, we are all here for each other. There is strength and safety in numbers, so I want to be able to tap into our collective spirit of strength, knowledge, humor, love, kindness, etc. to build a online community or emotional safe house for any and all who may need it.

So I am unsure where this may lead, but with women in charge I know we will be alright.